UNCANNY CAT
Based on the video game series, Hylics, created by Mason Lindroth
WAYNE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
A couch sits downstage center, facing upstage. A TV sits just upstage of the couch. Stage right of the couch is a suit case.
Upstage right from this scene is WAYNE'S BATHROOM which contains a bathtub, a toilet, and two ROACHES that are scurrying around the "room"
WAYNE and SOMSNOSA enter downstage right.
SOMSNOSA
So ... this is the Wayne House, huh?
WAYNE
I ... guess? It's the house I woke up in? And I'm Wayne ... so yeah, Wayne house.
SOMSNOSA chuckles as he leads her in.
SOMSNOSA
Just you living here?
WAYNE
Yeah. Well ... other than the squirrel and horse you saw outside ... oh and the roaches. They were already here though.
SOMSNOSA
That's hardly company. You should have someone else here with you. A cat or something.
WAYNE
Cat?
SOMSNOSA
Sages, have you never seen one?
WAYNE shrugs.
SOMSNOSA
They're little animals. Soft fur, pointy ears. A pink nose ... Whiskers ... I had one once, when I was a child. It was ... orange? I think?
WAYNE ponders this as he watches SOMSNOSA make her way to his couch. She sits down and gestures the TV on.
SOMSNOSA
Oh, you have a different one!
WAYNE
Huh?
SOMSNOSA
A different gesture! I have bubbles on my TV and I was always curious if other TVs shared the same thing.
SOMSNOSA starts attempting to recreate the gesture she is watching with her hands.
WAYNE
Huh.
SOMSNOSA stops and looks behind her.
SOMSNOSA
Did you not know that you could turn on your TV?
WAYNE shrugs.
SOMSNOSA
Ok, come here, come here.
She sits him down on the couch and then turns to the TV, gesturing it off.
SOMSNOSA
So, your TV relies on gestures. Like what I did to stop that foothead from sending you to the afterlife?
SOMSNOSA pulls WAYNE'S hands in front of him, towards the TV.
SOMSNOSA
Watch my hands. See what they do.
SOMSNOSA gestures the TV on.
SOMSNOSA
See, TV came on when I did this gesture.
She turns it back off.
SOMSNOSA
You try.
WAYNE copies SOMSNOSA's gesture, turning the TV back on.
SOMSNOSA
Awesome! Cool! So, the gesture that's here is one that you can copy and then ... well, you can use the gesture to protect yourself if I'm not here to do it.
WAYNE smiles. SOMSNOSA looks down at their hands and then gasps.
SOMSNOSA
Oh geeze, I've got bug juice all over your mitts.
WAYNE
Eh, don't worry about it.
SOMSNOSA
No, I should get this off of your gloves. A clean status is a healthy status! Where's your bathroom?
WAYNE
Is that the room with the tub and the burrito cooler? Upstairs.
SOMSNOSA
Burrito ...? Whatever, thanks Wayne. I'll go wash this out of our gloves. You should probably think about a bath as well. Restore that flesh.
WAYNE looks back at the TV. SOMSNOSA sighs and crosses upstage right to the BATHROOM and jumps at the roaches. The light goes down on the living room.
SOMSNOSA
Sages ... These were here first? Wayne, you weird little moon head.
She crosses to the sink and puts the gloves in, turning on the water. She then looks over at the tub.
SOMSNOSA
Well, at least the tub looks to be in order ...
She walks over to the toilet and curiously lifts the lid to inspect it when:
SOMSNOSA
(yelling to Wayne)
Wayne?
WAYNE
(yelling back)
Yeah?
SOMSNOSA
Why is there a burrito in the toilet?
WAYNE
Oh, is that what that thing's called? I've been using it to cool down burritos after I've microwaved them in town. First time I had one, I lost some flesh biting into it! I took a lot of burning damage.
SOMSNOSA
Uh ... Ok ...
WAYNE
What do you use it for?
SOMSNOSA returns to the sink, turning the water higher.
SOMSNOSA
Sorry, have the water too high to hear you! Gotta really rinse these.
SOMSNOSA continues to wash the gloves in silence. Then as she turns off the water:
SOMSNOSA
Looks like you're not the only one with a gap in your memory, Soms.
She crosses back, downstage center as the lights go down on the BATHROOM and back up on the LIVING ROOM. The WAYNE CAT (puppet) is ambling about the stage as WAYNE continues to practice the gesture that is on the TV.
SOMSNOSA
So, I've got them drying out ... If you're ok with me hanging out a little longer-
(notices the WAYNE CAT)
What in the depths of the clay is THAT?
WAYNE looks over at the WAYNE CAT and then shrugs.
WAYNE
I guess it's a cat?
SOMSNOSA
You guess?
WAYNE
You said that I was in need of a cat. I now have a cat.
SOMSNOSA
Why does it look like you?
WAYNE
Should it not?
SOMSNOSA considers.
SOMSNOSA
I mean ... I guess there aren't any rules about that ... So ... Uh ... How?
WAYNE shrugs.
WAYNE
I was in need of a cat.
SOMSNOSA walks over to the cat and reaches out her hand for it to sniff.
WAYNE CAT
Meow.
SOMSNOSA jolts slightly.
SOMSNOSA
It sounds like you too.
WAYNE shrugs.
WAYNE
Should it not?
SOMSNOSA sighs.
SOMSNOSA
Nah, it's cool. That's cool that you can ... make cats. Was that the gesture you got from the TV?
WAYNE
Nah man, nah.
SOMSNOSA
Huh.
WAYNE
There's one for you too.
SOMSNOSA
Excuse me?
WAYNE
You had told me you live alone on that island. And that you used to have a cat for company. So ... here's one for you too.
WAYNE produces a SECOND WAYNE CAT puppet and presents it to SOMSNOSA.
SOMSNOSA
Oh. My.
SECOND WAYNE CAT
Meow.
END